Thriving Through Trials

In 2006, I experienced for the first time the well-meaning but often harmful phrase, “Let me know how I can help.” I had just begun working on a non-profit to support refugees, driven by passion and a pressing need to make a difference. After sharing my vision with a young missionary, she was moved by my story and immediately offered, “Let me know how I can help.” At the time, I was excited and took her words to heart, but it wasn’t the last time I would face the unintended consequences of such a vague offer.

A few days later, knowing she was about to visit her family in Europe, I handed her a proposal seeking funding for my charity. Looking back, I’m not sure if the proposal made much sense, but I do remember the budget was enormous. I assumed she would help me fundraise, after all that was my greatest need. However, when she returned, she politely told me that the proposal was far beyond what she had ever raised, and fundraising wasn’t what she had meant by offering help.

Her honesty was appreciated, but it left me feeling conflicted. I realized the disappointment that comes from misinterpreting someone’s offer. She had genuinely wanted to help, but her vague promise led me to expect more than she was able or willing to provide. This experience taught me a valuable lesson.

Over the years, especially in my work with refugees, I have come to understand the importance of being specific when offering help. Kindness isn’t just in words; it’s in the thoughtful actions that reflect a deep understanding of someone’s needs. Vague offers like, “Let me know if you need anything” can leave the person confused, hesitant, or even hurt when their needs aren’t met.

Instead of vague promises, it’s better to offer concrete actions that align with what you are truly able to do. Say things like, “Can I bring you groceries?” or “Would it help if I did this or that for you?” Vague offers of help are like whispers in the wind, easily lost, what people need are solid hands to hold.

Helping someone in distress is about more than good intentions, it’s about setting clear expectations. If you’re not ready to follow through, it’s okay to simply offer your presence. In the end, a sincere, specific offer is far better than an empty one.