Thriving Through Trials

Inspiring Resilience and Building Hope

Let me know how I can help

In 2006, I experienced for the first time the well-meaning but often harmful phrase, “Let me know how I can help.” I had just begun working on a non-profit to support refugees, driven by passion and a pressing need to make a difference. After sharing my vision with a young missionary, she was moved by my story and immediately offered, “Let me know how I can help.” At the time, I was excited and took her words to heart, but it wasn’t the last time I would face the unintended consequences of such a vague offer.

A few days later, knowing she was about to visit her family in Europe, I handed her a proposal seeking funding for my charity. Looking back, I’m not sure if the proposal made much sense, but I do remember the budget was enormous. I assumed she would help me fundraise, after all that was my greatest need. However, when she returned, she politely told me that the proposal was far beyond what she had ever raised, and fundraising wasn’t what she had meant by offering help.

Her honesty was appreciated, but it left me feeling conflicted. I realized the disappointment that comes from misinterpreting someone’s offer. She had genuinely wanted to help, but her vague promise led me to expect more than she was able or willing to provide. This experience taught me a valuable lesson.

Over the years, especially in my work with refugees, I have come to understand the importance of being specific when offering help. Kindness isn’t just in words; it’s in the thoughtful actions that reflect a deep understanding of someone’s needs. Vague offers like, “Let me know if you need anything” can leave the person confused, hesitant, or even hurt when their needs aren’t met.

Instead of vague promises, it’s better to offer concrete actions that align with what you are truly able to do. Say things like, “Can I bring you groceries?” or “Would it help if I did this or that for you?” Vague offers of help are like whispers in the wind, easily lost, what people need are solid hands to hold.

Helping someone in distress is about more than good intentions, it’s about setting clear expectations. If you’re not ready to follow through, it’s okay to simply offer your presence. In the end, a sincere, specific offer is far better than an empty one.

Innocent Magambi's avatar

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Innocent Magambi

I was born a refugee in the Democratic Republic of Congo to Burundian parents, my first 27 years were spent navigating the challenges of five different refugee camps, forging an indomitable spirit and deep empathy. The pivotal moment came when the opportunity for a university education presented itself, leading me to found There is Hope. For 15 years, I led this non-profit organisation with a visionary approach to impact thousands of people through education, vocational training and job creation. As a refugee rights advocate and CEO of Inua Advocacy, a human rights organisation fighting for the dignity of refugees in Malawi, my commitment is both professional and deeply personal. My book, Refugee For Life, not only recounts my personal journey as a refugee, but also highlights the transformative power of individual action for entire communities. From surviving as a refugee to shaping the destinies of others, I stand as a beacon of empathy and adaptability. I have been privileged to be interviewed by respected outlets such as Voice of America, BBC World Service and The Guardian. Beyond the media, I share my insights in a variety of forums, including churches, charities, schools and prestigious institutions such as Oxford University. As an Obama Fellow and participant in respected fellowships, my life’s journey reflects the profound impact one person, driven by a compassionate vision, can have on the lives of many.

2 responses to “Let me know how I can help”

  1. daeilts Avatar
    daeilts

    Indeed, being specific about what you offer a recipient is better for the giver as well. Saying “Let me know if I can help” puts the giver in the uncomfortable position of not knowing what resources to expend on other opportunities and what to conserve should the receiver return with a solid request.

    And, Innocent, as you state, many receivers are hesitant to ask because they have no idea of the depth of a nebulous statement like “let me know if I can help.” Better to be specific in your offer.

    Good thoughts my friend,

    Dave A.

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    1. Innocent Magambi Avatar
      Innocent Magambi

      Thank you, Dave! I completely agree with you. Being specific about what you offer benefits both parties. It reminds me of our 2013 tour through Burundi, Malawi, Tanzania, DRC, and Zambia, where we were clear and direct when asked for help.

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